How to Count When the Scale Screams Defeat

“You’re not thin, but you’re definitely not fat.” They were eight simple words out of the mouth of my high school crush. In the context of the conversation, he wasn’t being a jerk. He was complaining about his weight and I asked him what he thought of me. In retrospect – for a young high school guy – he actually navigated his response quite well.

Yet in my freshman girl’s heart, his words translated to “You’re not good enough” and I instantly concluded “If I lose weight, he might love me.”

It was an insidious belief. A number on a scale became the deciding factor of whether I was beautiful. It was a lie – a lie that suffocated and wrapped tightly around my heart.

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When 2016 Leaves You Thinking – “What Am I Doing With My Life?”

One of my best friends is crazy talented – and it’s not just a friend bias. At the high school where she teaches, the student body voted her rookie teacher of the year. Administrators who observe her lessons marvel. Her students adore her. Her test scores are incredible.

Her walls are covered in gold medals from gymnastics. The collection continues to grow as she wins blue ribbons with her new hobby of horseback riding. She’s a gifted writer, always dressed to the nines, brave, fierce and strong.

And you know what I feel – jealousy.

For over a year and a half I’ve been recovering from extreme burnout – healing from a dream that turned out to be a complete nightmare. Instead of ribbons and accolades, the road has been filled with failure, tears and mourning.

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